Mass Effect: Days of Our Normandy Lives
by R-I-C-A-R-D
Summary: A series of unconnected stories set during the Mass Effect timeline, pre-Virmire. Among them, Liara discovers Elvis, Wrex makes a new friend and Shepard displays unique gunnery skills, among others.
1. Liara Does Elvis

_As sand flows through the hourglass, so are the Days of Our Normandy Lives_

This is a series of unconnected scenes set during the game's timeline, all pre-Virmire. I decided to have a bit of fun with my Shepard concept and give her a love of late twenthieth century films and rock music.

This was partially inspired by fanfics like Tales of The Normandy

1. Liara Does Elvis

No matter how hard she tried, Dr Liara T'soni just couldn't concentrate on her work. The crew of the _Normandy _had picked up a Prothean data disk and Commander Alison Shepard had given it to Liara to study. That simple act had stopped Liara dead for several moments. Among her people, the giving of gifts took on a deeper meaning than perhaps the Commander realised.

But then Liara shook herself and berated herself for her foolishness. She was the only one on board the ship who was in any way an expert on the Prothean civilisation. Commander Shepard giving her the disk was simply the most correct and logical thing to do. But still, the way Shepard's..._Alison's_ fingers had briefly brushed her own as she gave her the disk had sent ripples of intense joy and, if she were honest with herself, feral lust through her being.

Shepard had looked at Liara for several seconds after she took the disk and asked, "Are you OK? Because you look kinda like somebody took your hand and jammed it into an electrical conduit."

_Not an electrical conduit, just you._

"No, I am fine, Commander...I was simply admiring the craftsmanship of this artefact," Liara hoped Shepard couldn't see the blush she felt rising on her face. _Craftmanship! Who would believe that?_

"Oh, right," Shepard replied, peering closely at the small disk in Liara's hand. "And here's me thinking those little lines were just cracks from Ashley dropping it."  
"Chief Williams _dropped it?_" Liara had almost shouted. Then slapped her free hand over her mouth before saying quietly, "I am sorry, I did not mean to shout. I..I should go and begin studying this. Thank you." Liara had stumbled back to her station just aft of the medlab, a storm of conflicting emotions roiling in her.

Behind her, Alison watched her go bemusedly. "I probably shouldn't have made that crack about Williams dropping the thing," she said and shrugged.

Now Liara sat at her station, and tried vainly to haul her mind back to the business at hand. _Think_ she told herself. _A successful study of this artefact may unlock more information about how and why the Reapers destroyed the Prothean civilisation and such knowledge may allow Commander Shepard to better fight our enemies_. And there she was, thinking about Shepard. Again. _Oh Goddess!_

"Very well," Liara said aloud, "Forget about the Protheans. They've been extinct for fifty thousand years and more. Waiting a little longer to analyse this item won't kill them." Liara smiled as she realised that what she had said was almost a joke. She felt some of her feelings of unease at being surrounded by so many humans lessen. If she couldn't study the Protheans, then maybe a deeper study of humanity would allow her to better understand them. And better understand _her_.

Liara decided to pull up all the information regarding humanity's history from the _Normandy_'_s_databanks. A staggering amount of data was present. It would take her decades to even get a tenth of the way through it. By the time she was done, the entire crew of the ship would have died of old age.

Sighing, Liara touched her fingertip to a random entry. And began to lose herself in the history of armed conflict on Earth. Liara shook her head in wonderment. The humans were such a brutal species: two world wars, countless billions killed, horrific acts of terrorism. And she had thought the krogan were a savage species. Yet for all of that, humanity had managed to flourish and had produced much in the way of the arts and sciences.

And music. Liara began reading entries about an entertainer from the late twentieth century named Elvis Presley. _What an unusual name, even by human standards_, she thought. _I wonder if he's an ancestor of the navigator?_

According to the histories, Elvis had been known as 'the Pelvis' because of his habit of gyrating his hips whilst performing. Curious, Liara accessed footage of the man 'in concert.' Thousands of adoring young human women were screaming his name and cheering as he performed. Liara observed the motion of the man's hips. Oh yes, she could see why the women of the time found him so exciting.

Keen to gain a deeper understanding of human musical tastes, she accessed audio files of Elvis 'The Pelvis' Presley. At first, the loud music and strange lyrics made it difficult for her to listen but after a short while, she felt herself relaxing into her chair.

Quite unbidden, her head began nodding along in time to the beat and her right foot began tapping out a rhythm on the deck.

A few hours later, as Alison finished up filling in some requisition forms, she decided to check on Dr Tsoni and see how her study of the Prothean disc was coming along. Maybe ask her to have a meal with the crew, get to know them better. Kaidan seemed eager to talk to another bioticist, one who didn't need to have an implant jack wired into her skull.

As she entered the medlab that connected to Liara's workspace, she could hear what sounded a lot like late twentieth century rock and roll music coming from the science lab. Alison cocked her head towards the door behind which Liara was. "What's happening?" she asked Dr Chakwas.

"I'm almost afraid to go in and ask," Chakwas replied. "Shortly after you gave her that Prothean item, she began to play music." Chakwas shook her head and looked thoroughly weirded out by the whole thing. "She seems to especially like Elvis Presley."

"Huh," Alison said, arms folded across her chest, "Whatever turns her crank, I suppose."

Liara didn't hear Shepard enter the room, she was too busy singing loudly with her eyes closed. Liara's head nodded back and forth in time to the music and her body swayed from side to side. Alison leaned back against the bulkhead and watched, smiling.

"You ain't nothin' but a hound dog, cryin' all the time.." Liara sang enthusiastically. Alison was no singing expert but Liara didn't sound half bad, certainly no worse than the girls who sang at Chora's Den and Flux on occasion.

As the song ended, Liara stopped dancing and opened her eyes. Then she saw Alison and almost fainted from embarrassment. "Oh! Commander Shepard! I did not hear you come in!"  
"So I gathered," Alison said with a faint smile. "Big fan of The King, huh?"  
"I beg your pardon?" Liara said as she turned off the audio player.

"The King, Elvis. That's what they called him."  
"Oh! Of course. Yes, I find myself quite enjoying his work. A shame about the way he died though."

"Yeah..." Alison trailed off. _Well this is starting to get a bit awkward. _Liara was looking at her the way she'd caught Kaidan looking at her.

"Commander Shepard, may I ask you something?" Liara said, looking extremely earnest.

_Oh god, please don't let her be coming onto me_, Alison pleaded silently. It wasn't that she didn't find Liara attactive - there was something about her blue skin and her voice that Alison would have found quite the turn on in other circumstances. But things being what they were, she couldn't allow herself to become entangled in a relationship with anybody. At least not while Saren was still running around the galaxy wreaking havoc.

"Sure, go ahead and ask," Alison said, steeling herself.

"Commander, what is a 'hound dog?'


	2. Pussy Galore

2. Pussy Galore

_Honestly, it's not what you're probably thinking._

Urdnot Wrex was bored. And a bored krogan was an extremely unsafe environment for anybody to be around. Especially when said krogan was sealed up in a big fancy tin can while everybody else was out running around on Feros, having a fun time killing Geth.

Well, not everybody. The quarian would still be up to her environmental suit clad ass in the drive core, probably having orgasms over the size of thing, Wrex thought to himself. Garrus was up in the CIC, talking to Pressly and seemed to be completely unaware of Pressly's borderline psychotic hatred of turians. _That could get entertaining_, Wrex mused and smiled. Not that Shepard would let them come to blows.

And the asari they'd recently picked up on Therum was still cooped up in the medbay, recovering from the weird-ass mind meld she and Shepard had done. _I think the good doctor has the hots for the Commander, _Wrex thought and grinned. That would definitely be fun to watch. Heh, throw in Alenko and a holocamera and he could make a mint selling the footage to illegal porn nets.

Shepard herself along with Williams and Alenko were ashore on Feros, helping the dumbass human colonials fight off the synthetics. "If they're too weak to fight off the Geth, they don't deserve to survive," Wrex grumbled as he stomped to his locker. He was going ashore, too and god help anybody who got in his way.

At the locker, Wrex removed his customised Avalanche shotgun and loaded it up with armour piercing rounds. He slot the weapon into his armour's hardpoint at the base of his tail and then went for his assault rifle. He always preferred his slaughtering up close and personal but he wasn't stupid enough to leave behind a perfectly good weapon. Sometimes, just for the hell of it, he'd use both guns at the same time, his heavily muscled arms absorbing the recoil while he laid waste to everything before him.

"They better have left something for me to kill," Wrex grunted as he headed to the elevator. "Or I may have to start capping the colonials." As the elevator doors opened onto the main deck, the crew turned to face Wrex a bit fearfully as he passed by, heading to the airlock. And well they should be a bit fearful. Wrex was big, even by krogan standards, and they were, for the most part, puny. Wrex flashed a fanged grin at a girl sitting at a sensor station. She turned back to her instruments hurriedly.

"Where are you going, Wrex?" queried the turian.

"Out," Wrex replied, "You got a problem with that?"  
"No, but the Commander might. She told the rest of us to stay on the ship," Garrus pointed out.

"I thought you left C-Sec cause you were sick of following other peoples' rules," Wrex said.

"I uh..." Garrus trailed off.

"See you later," Wrex said.

As he reached the airlock, Joker called out, "Hey, bring me back something to eat, will ya?"

Wrex didn't answer and the inner airlock door sealed shut behind him, mercifully cutting off the humans and their yammering.

Once outside the ship, Wrex consulted the map display generated by his hardsuit's computer and began jogging to the Zhu's Hope settlement. As he approached the prefabricated structures serving as buildings, the already nervous guards freaked out and snapped up weapons. "Freeze!" shouted one, his weapon jittering as his hands shook.

"Relax, I'm with Shepard," Wrex said as soothingly as he could. In truth, that wasn't very soothing at all.

"I don't want to have to shoot you! Just stay the hell back!" the man shouted. His hands shook so much that Wrex expected the rifle to fly out of his hands.

"Then don't shoot me, dumbass. I'm not here to cause trouble." Then another, authoritative voice said, "Let him pass, he's with Commander Shepard. Maybe he can help."

"Whatever," Wrex grumbled as he pushed past the guards and headed deeper into the colony.

Wrex took a quick, furtive look around himself. The buildings nearby blocked him off from immediate view of the humans on guard so Wrex decided to do a little looting. Hey, whatever paid the bills, right?

Wrex entered the nearest prefab and stood in the centre of the tiny room. Nothing. These humans had nothing worth stealing and still the Geth wanted them dead, that had to suck. As he turned to leave a sound caught his attention.

Errrroww.

"Huh?" Wrex turned and saw a flash of white fur disappear behind a crate. A cat? Wrex stood over the crate and looked down at the large bundle of white. Clear blue eyes stared back up at him, seemingly unafraid. "That's a first," Wrex said. Despite himself, he had a soft spot for small furry animals. Understandably, he didn't advertise the fact. It wouldn't help his reputation as a cold blooded mercenary who'd do anything for money.

But this cat, looking at him fearlessly, got him right in that very small soft spot.

The cat, a pure-bred Persian with matted fur vocalised again. Errrrowwww.

Wrex felt himself turn to mush and he leaned down carefully to pick up the cat. "Aren't you a good widdle boy? Yes you are." If anybody had witnessed the krogan talking baby talk to a cat, it would have been the second last thing they'd see. The last being Wrex' shotgun as he blew their head off.

The cat didn't resist as Wrex picked it up and began stroking its fur. The cat appeared well fed but hadn't been bathed or brushed in a while. "What happened to your owners, hmm?" Wrex asked in a singsong voice, "Did the naughty-waughty Geth kill them?" The cat closed his eyes and purred as Wrex scratched him between the ears.

"Right, you're coming home with me," Wrex said in his normal low-pitched rumble. "And if anybody has a problem with that then they'll have me to deal with."

Wrex cracked the seals on his hardsuit and carefully laid the cat inside. The cat seemed to fall asleep and Wrex gingerly closed the seals again. He'd be back on board the ship before the little guy could suffocate.

"Back so soon?" Joker asked as the inner airlock cycled open.

"No Geth," Wrex said and headed for the elevator.

"No food either?" Joker called back, "Man!"

Once the elevator doors closed behind them, Wrex removed the cat from within his hardsuit and placed him on the floor. The cat walked back and forth in the lift car curiously, sniffing at everything. Then he sat down and scratched behind one ear with his back leg. Loose hairs drifted downward.

Alison Shepard stood in the _Normandy's_airlock as the decontamination system did its work. She dropped the helmet of her hardsuit onto the deck and wearily rotated her head, hoping to ease some of the tension in her neck. Behind her were Gunnery Chief Williams and Lieutenant Alenko.

"God, what a horror show that was," Alison said, "That thorian. I don't think I can eat after seeing that."

_Decontamination complete_ the computer said. Wearily, Alison picked up her helmet and tucked it under one arm.

_Logged: the commanding officer is aboard. XO Pressly stands relieved_.

"Debrief in fifteen, meet me in the comm room," Alison said as they re-entered the ship.

"Aye, aye," Williams and Alenko said.

"Any trouble while I was gone?" Shepard asked Joker.

"No, but Wrex did go ashore for a little while."  
"Did he say why?" Alison asked.

"Does he ever?" Joker returned.

"If it's not one thing, it's another..." the Commander's voice trailed off as she left for the elevator.

The elevator doors hissed closed and Alison sighed with relief. _Home at last_. Then her keen gaze took in the large number of white hairs that practically carpeted the floor of the elevator car. She crouched down and scooped up a handful. "Cat hair?"

Her mind began to put things together and she wasn't liking what was being built. _Wrex goes ashore, and suddenly the elevator's full of cat hair. Please don't tell me he stole some kid's pet so he could eat it._

The doors slid silently open and Alison stepped quietly into the _Normandy_'s garage. The large room seemed to be empty. Mike, the requisitions officer was in the mess and the rest of her people were elsewhere at present. Alison carefully removed her boots and set them aside. Walking quietly towards the other end of the garage in her sock feet, Alison heard something strange. It sounded like Wrex but at the same time it couldn't possibly be him.

"Who's a good boy then? You are! Yes you are!" Wrex appeared to be talking babytalk to the large white Persian cat in his lap. The cat was purring contentedly to itself.

"Oh this is just too weird," Alison said.

Wrex' head snapped up in surprise and the cat jumped off his lap and ran under the Mako.

"Shepard!"

"Want to explain how a cat got on board the ship?" Alison asked. From beneath the Mako, the cat eyed her suspiciously. Then it began to lick its own butt.

"I brought him on board," Wrex rumbled.

"I gathered that much. Why?"

"The poor little guy had nobody to look after him and would have been killed by the Geth otherwise," Wrex explained.

"Oh my god," Alison said in mock horror, "You actually _do_ possess a heart. I'm shocked. I truly am."

Wrex just glared at her. "I'm keeping him and you can't stop me," he said defiantly.

"What's his name?" Alison asked.

Wrex said proudly, "Mister Tinkles!"


	3. Perfect Shot Groupings

3. Perfect Shot Groupings

"Hey Skipper, I was thinking," Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams said one morning over breakfast in the _Normandy_'s mess hall.

"Oh don't strain yourself," PFC Dodds, one of the Marines on board said and laughed.

"Frack you," Ashley snapped.

"Hey, I'm all for that, just name the place and time, babe!" Dodds replied.

"Secure that shit, Dodds, or it's latrine duty for you for a month," Commander Alison Shepard barked at the younger soldier. Though technically the _Normandy _didn't really have latrines, the threat was enough.

"Yes, ma'am," he said and left the table.

"Idiot," Shepard muttered then looked up at Williams. "You were saying something about thinking before, Chief?"

"Uh, yes, ma'am. I thought that we should organise a kind of shooting tournament, help blow off some steam maybe strengthen morale. That kind of thing," Ashley mopped up the last of her runny eggs with a slice of bread.

"I can see the value of that," Lieutenant Alenko put in as he joined them at the table. As usual, his tray was piled high with food yet he never seemed to put on weight. This was a fact that irritated Alison no end. Apparently it was a biotic thing but Alison's own Vanguard training had included biotic techniques and she didn't seem to need so much food. Maybe it was that L2 implant?

Shrugging it off, Alison asked Ashley, "How do you want this to work?"  
"We set up standard shooting range targets, in the drop bay I guess could work. We each get five shots on the target. Whoever gets the tightest shot groupings wins."  
"We'd need to all be using the same gun, to even the playing field," Alenko said as he tucked into his steak and eggs. And toast. And cereal. And juice. And coffee.

"We can get a stock Hahne-Kedar Kessler from Mike," Alison said, referring to the ship's requisitions officer. If you wanted any supplies, you got them through him. Though in truth, Alison found she preferred gearing up with equipment taken from fallen enemies on the battlefield. That was how she'd managed to score that sweet set of Colossus armour. Sure the colour scheme was fairly bleh but damn it had some strong kinetic barriers built in.

"So the winner receives what exactly?" Lieutentant Alenko asked and sipped his coffee.

"What, you mean apart from bragging rights?" Ashley replied. "I'll talk to the quarian. Maybe she has some spare piece of tech we can use as a trophy."

"You know, I'd really appreciate it if you could refer to Tali'Zorah Nar Rayya as Tali'Zorah Nar Rayya," Alison said.

Ashley just blinked. "I don't know if I can pronounce that."  
"Try," Alison said as she left the table with her empty plate.

After breakfast, and with her duties square away _and _with no imminent Geth-born crisis to deal with, Ashley took the elevator down to the drop bay/garage/storeroom. She hung a right turn outside the elevator and stepped up to Mike the Requisition Officer. "Morning, Chief, can I do something for you?"  
"I need a basic Hahne-Kedar pistol," Ashley said. Mike the Requisition Officer's face fell slightly. He was rather hoping that Chief Williams might have had something else entirely on her list of 'needs.' Him and half enlisted men aboard. Most of the other half had a thing for the Commander but he wasn't going to risk his career hitting on his CO. He could see the appeal though. A few even had a thing for Tali. Kinky bastards.

Mike turned away from Ashley and removed a box from the shelves behind him. He placed the box between them on the counter and lifted the lid to reveal the standard issue Kessler Mark I pistol and ammunition.

Ashley picked it up, inserted the ammo block and said, "Damn, I haven't used one of these things in ages." Ashley dropped into a firing stance and sighted down the barrel. "Thanks, Mike," she said as she left.

"No problem, Chief," Mike replied as he watched her walk away, hips swaying. _No problem at all._

"Right, here are the rules," Ashley explained to the group of naval personnel and marines gathered in the drop bay. "Five shots from this weapon," she held up the Kessler. "Tightest shot grouping wins this." Ashley put down the gun and picked up a shiny metal cylinder with a slender green core in the centre.

"Part of the ship's drive core?" Kaidan asked. "Don't we need that to run the ship?"  
"Tali said she made a better one." Ashley glanced over at the quarian standing near the back of the crowd.

"How do you 'make' a better piece of the drive core?" Kaidan turned to Tali who shrugged as if to say "Like it's hard?"

"I found some pieces lying around in storage and I don't know, just put it together," Tali said and shrugged again.

"Well whatever works, I guess," Alison said. "Who's up first?"  
Ashley had written down the names of everybody wanting to compete on scraps of paper and pulled one out of Joker's cap. "Garrus, come on down."

Ashley fit a standard paper shooting target to a frame and stepped away. Garrus took the pistol, flipped off the safey and, head cocked to one side, snapped off five rounds. He handed the gun back to Ashley who removed the target and held it up.

The five shots had each hit the same spot on the target, making a single large hole. "Perfect shot groupings," Ashley said. "Garrus leads."

Next up was Wrex. He ignored the pistol and instead unracked his assault rifle, set it to rock and roll and fired a three second burst at the target. The target ceased to exist.

"Heh, that was fun!" Wrex said. Alison rolled her eyes.

Kaidan was next. Though he carried a pistol and wore armour during an op, he had received no advanced weapons training. Still he impressed himself by landing all his shots within the target circle.

Ashley pulled Commander Shepard's name out of the hat next. Everybody edged forward in anticipation. They all knew it'd come down to the Commander, Williams and Garrus.

"Y'know, I've always wanted to do this," Alison said as she took up the pistol. She fired two shots. Paused, shifted her aim slightly, fired a third, paused and, shifting her aim again, fired off several more.

"Um, that was way more than five shots, ma'am," Ashley said.

Alison just smiled as she removed the target and brought it back. The bullet holes formed the shape of a smiley face.

"Oh, so you want to amp things up a notch?" Williams said. "Check this out."

Ashley put up a fresh target and took her aim.

Ashley proudly held up her target. ASHLEY WILLIAMS was spelled out with bullet holes. The crowd went wild.


	4. Not A Frigging Psychic

4. Not a Frigging Psychic

After the fact, Alison wasn't quite sure how the subject had been raised but she was pretty sure it had something to do with shore leave, copious amounts of booze and a good dose of the amphetamine fumes in the air.

The crew of the _Normandy _was on shore leave at the Citadel and Shepard, Williams and Alenko had decided to hit Chora's Den for a few drinks. Or a few dozen. For a wonder, the place hadn't erupted into a massive shootout like that time they'd come to have a little 'chat' with Fist.

Alison knocked back her fifth...she couldn't even remember what it was she was drinking, only that the liquid was a weird purple colour. Though that _could _have been the lighting in the place. She tipped her head back and a trickle of purplish liquor ran down her throat and disappeared below the collar of her fatigues. Straightening up, Alison began to laugh.

"What's the joke?" Alenko asked.

Alison snorted some more laughter and managed to say, "I was just thinking of this dumbass CO I had during my first posting after graduation."  
"Sounds like a story," Williams replied.

"Oh yeah. Like it's like this, right?" Alison said, her speech patterns shifting back to the way she had spoken as a teenager. "Our unit was pulling garrison duty on Mindnoir. This was _after _the place had recovered from the Batarian slave raids, right?"

Ashley and Kaidan nodded, the latter's gaze following the scantily clad asari dancing girls just opposite their table. He jerked around as Ashley's fingers snapped in front of his face.

"Yo, eyes front, Mister," she said.

"Where was I?" Alison slurred slightly, "Oh yeah! Garrison duty on Mindnoir. There was this mining operation that was looking for stuff for use in shipbuilding. Like cruisers and dreadnoughts and like that, right?" The others nodded.

"So there's about fifty or so guys down in the mine when there's a cave in. BOOM!" Alison slammed her glass on the table. "Only louder." She giggled some more. "Frack, I'm wasted," she said. "Hey Alenko, buy a girl a drink willya?"  
"Haven't you had enough, Commander?"

"I dunno, LT, when a hot looking drunk chick says to buy her a drink, I'd buy her the drink, get what I'm saying?" Ashley said and smiled wickedly.

"You're evil," Alison said and laughed. "Right, mine, cave in. So orders come down from the almighty Captain Thomas H. Sinclair."

"I think I heard of this guy," Kaidan said, "Had a reputation for being a real ass."  
"Yep, that's the guy," Alison confirmed. "So we're all air dropped outside the site of the cave in, to secure the area, make sure nobody tries to go down there. We're standing around waiting for this high-tech bio-scanning gear to be driven in from the main colony compound to scan for survivors..." and Alison trailed off and laughed again.

Eventually she got herself back under control, "My CO, he gets impatient waiting for this scanner to show up and he's all like," and her voice deepened as she mimicked the man's voice, "'Shepard! You're a biotic. Use your powers to find out if there's anybody alive down there!'"

"Oh man," Kaidan, who was familiar with the ignorance associated with biotic users rolled his eyes.

In her normal tone of voice, Shepard continued, "So I'm like, 'I'm a biotic not a frigging psychic, you moron!'"

Ashley and Kaidan both howled with laughter.

"In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have called him a moron," Alison said and signalled for another round of drinks.


	5. Normandy Movie Night

5. Normandy Movie Night

It was something of a tradition that Commander Shepard had attempted to have instated on every ship she'd served on. Usually unsuccessfully. She could never understand why it was that she was the only one with such an interest, some would say an unhealthy interest, in twentieth century cinema. My god, she'd tell people, those were the golden years of film making. Back when they still used actual actors instead of the lifeless VI 'actors' of nowadays. How could a person fail to be moved watching Tim Robbins' escape from prison in The Shawshank Redemption? Or be thrilled by the space battles of Star Wars? But actually getting people to sit and watch those old films was quite a challenge.

People usually 'remembered' duties they'd 'forgotten' to take care of whenever she broke the data projector out of storage. Well, all that was about to change. Now that she was in charge of the _Normandy_, she could bloody well order people to participate in Normandy Movie Night. Alison didn't like pulling rank, but sometimes you really had to crack the whip.

Though if Alison were honest with herself, part of the problem was her habit of standing up during a screening and yelling out her favourite quotes at the top of her lungs. That tended to ruin the immersion of even the most die hard cinema buffs. Speaking of...

"Die Hard?" Lieutenant Alenko tried to keep the weariness out of his voice. Really, he tried. "Again?"  
"Do you have a problem with Die Hard, Lieutenant?" Alison said as she loaded the datacard containing Die Hard along with every other film Bruce Willis had appeared in into the projector located in the comm room.

"Eh...not as such. But we've seen it sixteen times already. And well, the volume gives me migraines."  
"Alenko, looking at that cute girl in engineering the wrong way gives you migraines," Shepard said.

"I do _not _look at Katherine..." Kaidan trailed off as he realised his mistake.

"Oh, it's _Katherine, _is it? Lieutenant, you sly dog, you!" Alison grinned as she saw the colour rising in Kaidan's face.

"Alright, I'll do you a deal," Alison said, holding up a hand to forestall any protests, "You can be excused from watching Die Hard if you promise to buy Serviceman O'Mara dinner next shore leave. Think you can handle that?"

"I think I can about manage it, ma'am," Alenko said and departed.

"Yippee Ki Yay..." Alison said quietly and left the comm room.

During dinner in the mess that evening, the crew was noticeably antsy. They knew what was coming. It was as inexorable as the tides, as unstoppable as gravity. Once Commander Shepard decided she was going to do something you either went along with her and held on for dear life or you were crushed into a gooey paste. Figuratively speaking. Usually.

"Attention, ladies and gentlemen," Alison said as people made to leave. "Before you go, a reminder: Die Hard will be screening in the comm room at 2000 hours sharp. Be there," she said, looking every member of the crew in the eyes. They seemed to wilt under her intense blue-eyed gaze.

"Alenko, remember our bargain," she finished. All eyes turned to stare at Lieutenant Alenko as he left the room.

"Bargain? What does she mean?.."  
"Maybe they're doing it..."  
"No way.."

Whispered rumours and innuendo moved rapidly around the table as the Commander left. Ten minutes later, a bizarrely implausible story had made the rounds of the whole ship, detailing sexual trysts between Alenko, Shepard _and _Adams from engineering while the quarian Tali stood over them lashing at them with a bullwhip. Who knew _what _went on under that woman's environment suit, was the popular thinking.

A couple of hours later, as Die Hard was reaching its glorious climax, Alison bolted to her feet and, completely oblivious of the rolled eyes of her crew, those still awake anyway, shouted "YIPPEE KI YAY, MOTHERFUCKER!" Then she pumped her fist into the air and shouted "YEAH!"

Gunnery Chief Williams slapped a hand over her face and said, "I cannot take this anymore." Taking advantage of the Commander's distraction, Ashley 'accidentally' jerked out a foot and yanked out the projector's power cable.

Mercifully, the ear-shattering volume of the film finally died.

"What the hell was that?" Alison whirled around to see Williams sitting with her knees drawn up to her chest, her face the picture of wide-eyed innocence.

"I didn't see anything, ma'am. I was too busy watching the film..."


	6. Birthday Girl

6. Birthday Girl

It was the day she'd been dreading for the last few years - her thirtieth birthday. Alison couldn't say why, but something about her personal odometer clicking over to that seemingly mystical third decade scared her more than facing down hordes of Geth could scare her.

Maybe it was growing proof of her own mortality? Strange, she told herself, you faced death practically every day of your life back on Earth and somehow managed to find yourself right in the thick of the struggle to defeat Saren and the Geth yet a simple birthday has you questioning your mortality.

Still, the proof _was _there. Alison rolled out of her bunk in the captain's office aboard the_ Normandy_ and peered closely at her reflection in the mirror. Yes, there they were: fine lines around her mouth and eyes that definitely weren't there even six months ago.

"Damn..." she whispered and leaned in closer to the mirror, her breath fogging the glass. Was that a...grey hair? No, a few lines she could handle but a grey hair? Alison's nimble fingers separated out the rogue strand from the rest of her jet-black tresses and swore.

_It_ _was a grey hair_. Alison took a breath and quickly yanked it out. Her eyes watered from the pain and she swore again. "Happy birthday, Alison," she said to her reflection.

"So, LT, what did you get the Commander for her birthday?" Ashley asked Kaidan as the latter tinkered with the temperamental control panel near the mess table. That was an odd thing, if you stopped to think about it, Ashley thought. Supposedly this was the most advanced ship in the human fleet yet the Lieutenant was constantly at work on that one control panel. And she wasn't even sure what it did.

Of course, her own situation was almost as strange. Part of her duties was to clean and maintain the stock of arms aboard the ship. Yet it seemed that no matter how many assault rifles and shotguns she disassembled, cleaned, put back together and stored, there was always another one waiting for her. She couldn't get away from the things. And the way the Commander insisted on looting every fallen enemy during an op didn't help a whole hell of a lot. How many more Lancer assault rifles did the Commander feel the need to have on board? Lately, and quite against regs, Ashley had been giving surplus gear to the quarian and telling her to break the stuff down into omni-gel.

You'd think that'd be the end of it, but no. After a while, Tali had told Ashley that she had run out of storage receptacles (receptacles, who talks like that?) and she couldn't process any more surplus gear. So Ashley was back to square one. Maybe she could throw them out the airlock when everbody was asleep?

"It's her birthday?" Alenko responded, bringing Ashley back to the present.

"Yeah. You telling me you never snuck into her quarters while she was ashore and looked up her service record?" Kaidan turned to stare at Ashley who shrugged and said, "What?"

"I'm not sure what's worse," Kaidan said slowly, "You going through your CO's personal items or you telling me that and putting me in an awkward position."

"What's awkward? You pretend you didn't hear me say anything incriminating and I'll promise not to do it again."

Before Kaidan could say anything, Ashley said, "I found this neat personal music player. Now Shepard can listen to all her golden oldies without driving the rest of us deaf in the process." If Ashley had to listen to the Commander rocking out to Champagne Supernova one more time, she'd go insane. What _was_ a champagne supernova anyway?

"I honestly didn't know it was her birthday. She never talks about that sort of thing," Kaidan said as he replaced the control panel and stepped back, dusting his hands on his shipboard uniform.

Ashley looked at the control panel, bathing the immediate area in that weird orange light and said, "I bet you 50 credits that it falls apart in the next hour."

"No bet, you cleaned me out over last week's poker game."

"So that brings us back to the Commander's birthday..." Ashley trailed off.

"Maybe I'll bake her a cake," Kaidan said. He turned as he felt Ashley's gaze boring into his back. "What?" he said  
"A man who can bake and who isn't gay. Will wonders never cease?" Ashley said in amazement.

Alenko shrugged and said, "What can I say, I have hidden depths."

Behind them, the control panel flickered and died.


	7. Blown Sky High

7. Blown Sky High

Everything had been going smoothly. Too smoothly. Tali knew that the excrement was about to interface with the air recirculators. The _Normandy _had been ordered to assist in the evacuation of a civilian colony in the Attican Traverse that was under siege by the Geth. As ordered by Shepard, Joker had swung the _Normandy _into the atmosphere of the planet under stealth mode and had dropped the Mako containing Tali'Zorah, Shepard and Dr T'Soni before streaking off to provide cover for the evacuation transports.

Their task was to hold off the Geth long enough to rescue the civilians and cover their extraction. The Mako landed smoothly on the ferrocrete road that led from the small spaceport to the main colony buildings. The spaceport was a hive of activity - civilian transports were lifting off while military dropships descended and fighter squadrons roared overhead, strafing Geth positions.

As usual, Shepard was at the Mako's controls, Tali and Liara strapped into the small crew compartment and Shepard was driving the Mako at speeds best described as 'ludicrously unsafe.'

The 155mm main gun fired a shot and downrange, a group of Geth shocktroopers simply ceased to exist. The Commander whooped joyfully. Also as usual, Shepard was having altogether too much fun during combat. Didn't she realise they could all be killed? Or was it simply a facade she put up to convince herself that death wasn't imminent and to improve morale?

No, Tali'Zorah decided, as Shepard began singing along to her 'driving music,' the Commander really was having that much fun.

Then the road before them was blocked by a pair of Geth Armatures supported by at least a dozen Geth troops armed with rocket launchers.

"Hmmm, this could be problematic," Shepard said as the nearest armature swung it's turret-head towards the Mako. The head-mounted mass accelerator fired a blast that impacted the Mako's left front side, collapsing the kinetic barriers and shearing off the front wheel. The Mako's front dug into the road at high speed and the entire vehicle flipped over and rolled several times. The entire hull shuddered as a second blast hit it.

The Mako, shields depleted and hull compromised came to rest on its side, the remaining five wheels rotating lazily. From the shattered forward windows, Shepard could see the Geth troops closing in. "Oh crap," she said to herself and tried to unstrap herself from her seat. The impact had caused the supposedly quick-release straps to jam up and Shepard's fingers scrabbled uselessly over the buckle. The vehicle shook slightly with each footstep as the armatures closed in.

In the crew compartment, Tali'Zorah was faring better - she'd managed to free herself and was assisting Dr Tsoni, who was barely concious. From the front seat, Tali'Zorah could hear Shepard cursing and many of the words she'd never heard before.

"What is happening?" Dr Tsoni asked as the Mako shook from multiple rocket blasts.

"We've crashed and the Geth are closing in," Tali'Zorah said matter of factly. "We have to exit the vehicle soon or we'll be killed."

"Oh, I see," the doctor said.

Up front, Shepard had managed to use her combat knife to cut herself free and was now trying to open the hatch. Predictably, that too was jammed. Shepard swore as another rocket hammered the vehicle. Another couple of hits...

Alison thought she should be grateful that the armatures hadn't finished them off already.

"The hell with this," Shepard grunted as she unholstered her pistol and blew out the locking bolts. The door finally wheezed open. Taking advantage of the partial cover afforded by the Mako's hull, Alison popped out of the cockpit and opened fire on the Geth who were now just metres away. The armatures had apparently left their smaller brethren and were disappearing into the distance.

Small fires had begun to burn inside the Mako's hull, threatening the fusion plant. Alison hauled herself out of the vehicle and turned to see Tali and Liara struggling out of the cockpit hatch.

Tali seemed unharmed but under her enviroment suit, it was impossible to tell for sure. Liara had a cut on her forehead but was otherwise fine.

Shepard summed up the situation, "The fusion plant's about to go critical. Run."

The three women managed to hunker down behind a passenger vehicle abandoned during the evacuation just as the Mako detonated. The blast-wave made their ears pop and the concussion hammered them into the ground. Painfully, Shepard levered herself up and surveyed the area. A large smoking crater marked the spot where the Mako had been. Alison waited for the ringing in her ears to abate before calling the _Normandy_.

"Joker, this is Shepard. Require immediate pick up. Over."  
"What's the situation, Commander?"

"Uh, the Mako's been blown sky high," Shepard said and cringed. Garrus would not be happy.

"Say that again, Commander?" Joker replied.

Alison closed her eyes and felt a bone-deep weariness descend over her as she repeated, "The Mako's been blown sky high..."


	8. Ah, Young Love

8. Ah, Young Love

"Please, Sammi, listen to me! It's not what you think!" The young man in the business suit was making the impassioned plea to a young woman, evidently his girlfriend in one of the botanical gardens of the Citadel's Presidium level. The young lady wasn't having a bar of it.

"You know, whenever a guy tells me 'it's not what you think,' it's _always _what I think!" Sammi shot back before turning on her heel and walking briskly away. The young man began hastening after her.

"You gotta admit, the guy's persistent," Gunnery Chief Williams said to Shepard as the two paused on their way to the Council chambers to observe the lovers' tiff.

"If he's smart, he'll quit while he's behind," Shepard observed as the man caught up with Sammi and gripped her by the arm. "Oh, that's not going to help at all," she murmured.

Sammi wheeled around to face Andrew and hissed, "Get your hands off me!" Andrew released Sammi as though her skin had scalded his hands and held them up defensively.

"Please, just hear me out," Andrew said.

"Oh this should be good," Sammi almost snarled, "Tammi and Liz _saw _you! They saw you coming out of the Consort's chambers at TWO IN THE MORNING!" she shouted.

"Ah, and there's the heart of the matter," mused Shepard. "He feels he's not getting enough at home and decides to blow a year's salary getting his rocks off asari style."  
"It might not be like that, Skipper," Ashley said.

"Oh right, he could have gone to see Sha'ira for a nice chat but I think we both know that's unlikely," Shepard replied.

"Ah..." Andrew trailed off. He should have known those two would run straight to Samantha. They never had liked him.

"Yes, 'Ah,'" replied Samantha. "You have any reason to go see that prostitute, besides the obvious?"  
"She isn't a prostitute!" Andrew protested, perhaps a little too strongly, "She's the Consort."  
"It's the same thing!" Sammi snapped.

"Look, I swear to you, we didn't have sex," Andrew said earnestly.

"You know what? I almost believe him," Shepard said from where she and Ashley were standing close to the happy couple.

Sammi stood glaring at Andrew, her arms crossed over her chest and said, "So you were seen leaving the Consort's chamber and you're trying to tell me you weren't having sex?"  
"Sometimes people go there for advice and to talk things over," Andrew said, glad that she seemed to be calming down.

"You know, in most relationships that _aren't _dysfunctional, people talk to their partners for advice!" Sammi said, a vein pulsing in her forehead. She angrily ran a hand through her shoulder-length auburn hair. How many times had Andrew ran his fingers through her hair? she thought and felt a tear begin to slip from one jade-green eye.

"Oh dear, now the tears have started," Shepard observed quietly. "She'll either collapse sobbing into his arms and all will be forgiven or she'll go nuclear and have to be put down by C-Sec."  
"You are such a cynic, Commander," Ashley replied.

"Samantha, sweetheart, I went to see the Consort to ask her the best way to...aw hell with it." Andrew dropped to one knee in front of Samantha and, looking up into her eyes, asked "Will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

"Aww, that's _so romantic!"_ Ashley blurted out. Then she turned away as tears pricked at her eyes. "I'm sorry, I have something in my eye."  
"That is so twee, I think I'm going to be sick," Shepard replied as Samantha embraced Andrew and smothered him in kisses.

A/N: That's all for now but there may be more in the future. Hope you enjoyed reading it.


End file.
